First steps to finding my Mojo again.

Work in Progress, with a long way to go before it is finished.

Work in Progress, with a long way to go before it is finished.

I think, tentatively that I may be finding my Mojo again. I cannot recall if I have mentioned the massive life event that occurred just two and a half years ago in my life on this blog.

The life event was the death of my daughter, my best friend and soul mate. She was my right arm, my biggest fan, and my best art critic. Not one day of her life passed without us talking on the phone, or being together. She was very different to me, but we also had many similar interests.

The last ten years of her life she spent a lot of time with me. I was so lucky that she allowed me to lean on her, to spend  so much time of her life with me.  She was working for me as my Personal Assistant. I had taught her Bookkeeping and to use a couple of Accounting Software Programs. She did all of my clients Bookkeeping and Accounting for my practice. She came to Melbourne and worked for weeks and months in my office, as well as working from her home in Albury.

I had purchased a home for her in Albury, then later subdivided the block and built another house. This second home would be my retirement home. We would live next door to each other, but independently.  I had rented out the property for several years, whilst I was winding down my business and preparing for semi retirement. I so looked forward to spending many good years with my beautiful daughter. She was such a pleasure to be with and we enjoyed many similar interests.

I had intended to spend much more time on my Art, as it was my great love that I had put aside in order to concentrate on a much more lucrative and financially rewarding career as a Taxation Professional.

For eighteen months from early 2010,  I had been spending a week in Albury followed by a week in Melbourne as I eased my way into semi retirement. I finally took the plunge in the middle of 2011 and moved back to Albury.

My first eight months of semi retirement was one of the happiest periods of my life. I had the company of my beautiful daughter living next door, and I indulged myself in my art. It was truly an idyllic existence, and everything I had dreamed it would be. I had waited my whole life to see this dream come true.

We spent Christmas together, with my sister who had moved from far North Queensland just months earlier to reconnect with her family roots.

Then like any other Saturday my daughter called in for coffee, and said she would come back in an hour when we would go shopping. That was the last time I ever saw her. I did not worry when she did not come back as planned. I had no idea when I went on a photography shoot in the afternoon, that my daughter had passed on. It was not until 7.30pm that night when the Police knocked on my door to inform me of her death. She had been involved in a single vehicle accident and died at the scene.

I have not been able to do my Art or to do very much at all since her death. It is so hard to believe that after just eight months my world would crash. It is like a black blind has been drawn down onto my world. It is absolutely devastating to live with the knowledge of the death of your child.

I have tried to stay positive and to divert my attention away from my own feelings, thrown myself into alternative interests such as photography. I am now bored with the photography, and feel I have given it my best shot. Photography has been an interest all my life, but it is not a priority in my life.

Lately I have been yearning to be inspired to do my art again. I am not sure if I will be happy with the final work, but at least I have started to paint again.

This artwork is an idea I have had about doing a collage of all the things that are important in my life. My family, my precious daughter, my lifetime love affair with the horses, a collection of vases, good books, an interest in law, a love of flowers and of course my animals. If I can pull it all together it may make a good piece of Art, and I will be happy with it.

In the meantime it is just a tentative entrance back into a world that is empty and full of darkness.

I am still trying to determine exactly what she would choose as her great legacy, that she would choose to be remembered by. I intend to find a legacy that she would have chosen. She was a great sportswomen, and very competitive in athletics, squash, speed skating and horse riding. She also loved inventing and new ideas.

Here is my first and hopefully promising art work since her death.



2 responses to “First steps to finding my Mojo again.

  1. A friend brought my attention to the colour orange that I have used in this piece. Apparently orange represents a new beginning, or recovering from despair and grief. A most interesting observation. I was not aware of the meaning of many colours, especially the colour orange. Crimson is my favourite colour, and I love the colours of autumn which includes oranges, yellows and browns, and I like purple too.

  2. An update four months later. I was able to enjoy a short revival to my art works, with a new look at an earlier work which resulted in a very pleasing result. But that’s where it has ended. Another diversion was required, and I am lucky that I have other creative interests to fall back on. I threw myself into gardening, but I am not a gardener. I grew some cuttings for the ‘Small Bird Oasis’ of which some have been successful and some have not. Then I decided to sew my way through a wardrobe full of remnant materials, rather than throw these materials out. I will post the updates on that diversion here shortly.

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