It was not supposed to be like this.

Retirement, It was not supposed to be like this. I had pictured my retirement as spending endless days in the company of my beautiful daughter. We shared so many interests, together with other individual interests, apart from those shared.

I have always been and still am, a Workaholic. I always have to be doing something constructive or creative. I do not enjoy sitting around, being idle, with nothing to do.

I have plenty of interests to keep me busy. My Art,  Sewing and Knitting are things I have always done, starting from age four. I love making and creating clothes for not only myself but children’s clothes, together with soft furnishings for my home. I love making unique one-off  creations and items.

Photography has also been another interest and hobby. In the past it revolved around my family, and all the animals in my care. Looking back in hindsight, after the death of my beautiful daughter, I wish I had taken more photo’s of her.

Following her death, I lost my Art mojo, and threw myself into Photography.  I concentrated on Macro Photography for many months, until I had achieved the goals I had set for myself.

I  have always loved to challenge myself, and constantly set myself new challenges and goals to achieve within a specified time.

Currently I am having  to deal with some health issues, that restrict my activities. Pushing above my weight was a constant challenge for this fifty kilogram body. Tackling and controlling horses that weighed on average over 500 kilograms was second nature for me. Superwoman was immune to the damage to her body, until I found I was constantly in need of deep heat therapy to the joints as part of my daily routine. I could deal with the Arthritis, but began to notice I could not stand for long periods, or even undertake passive activities without experiencing severe back pain. Osteoporosis had caught up with me.

I had been seeing a new GP for the three years, after moving from the city to the country. Amazing that after numerous tests, x-rays, MRI etc he never once offered a solution to my back problem and the pain of Osteoporosis or Arthritis. I changed Doctor’s and my new GP organised a Specialist to see me within two weeks. The Specialist gave me a prescription for the pain, but although I found a small amount of relief, I could not drive my car whilst taking this medicine. Other pain relief prescriptions were also provided. After six months I decided  that the relief from the pain killers was only minimal, that the restrictions on my driving ability was making me depressed, so I have discontinued the use of these painkillers. My elderly Aunt of 88 years also suffers from Osteoporosis. She told me that resting often throughout the day, and after most activities was her method of coping. I had been forced to rest after only a half hours activities, for the past four years  anyway, regardless of the prescription pain killers.

My late father was still breaking in and training the wild young horses at age  84 years, before his untimely death. He died from neglect by hospital staff, who did not address his injuries from being knocked down by a beast at the cattle yards. Dad was doing what he loved. It was his life’s work and pleasure working and training the horses. I too expected to be just like him, doing what I loved well into my old age.

I am hoping to continue mentoring the younger generations, and to give back to society by helping in whatever way I can. Donating my Art,  knitting and sewing creations to raise money for worthy causes is a start.

Coming to terms with a vastly different retirement situation is something I am still trying to resolve..

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6 responses to “It was not supposed to be like this.

  1. Tomorrow is always changing to some extent and I surmise that we ourselves got to change too to regain the balance of peace and joy in addition to service to others/causes….

  2. That was a raw and honest post. I get the “workaholic” personality, I have that myself. Hopefully you continue to find things of interest and I hope your health improves.

  3. I “follow” you and a few others because the input is honest and from the readings, I do get to ideas/motivation/examples of how a person can be a “better/useful” being for self/others…..or address the situations at hand…..thanks to you and a few others that I have never and perhaps will never meet….

    • I appreciate your kind words. I also believe you to be an honest person. I have been having second thoughts on the article, and considered deleting it. I am sure others have experienced disappointments in life, and reading how others address the problem, may help them too.

      • Hi Elizabeth of the green eyes ( I think I did read this in your posts )……no need to delete this particular post….it will be of “use” to some reader……many regards….kahwah

  4. I finally discovered what is causing my back pain.
    I have several fractures of my Spine !
    Whoa, all caused by Osteoporosis. I suspect it is these fractures that have been the culprit of my Back Pain, for the past 4-5 years.
    And my GP failed to mention this to me. My newest GP said there were no records of me ever having Back X Rays or Bone Density Tests ? Both GPS’s practice in the same Clinic ? So she sent me off for another Back X Ray,
    I retrieved all my Medicare Records for the past 3 years, they showed I had 6 Back X Rays and 3 Bone Density Scans in that period.
    It appears obvious to me that my old Doctor failed to review any of the X Rays or Tests. He certainly never mentioned the results.
    The new Doctor was not forthcoming with the latest results, I had to ask the new Doctor did anything show up from ?.
    Now I have to twist her arm to get her to refer me to a Back Specialist to review the X Rays and advise me. I am aware they can fill the Fractures with a Cement, that can fix the fractures within three months.
    I do not consider myself sick, or an invalid in any way, or at least in my public imagine.
    As far as I am concerned I am still the Super Woman I have always been, and that is the image I show to the public.
    The huge limitations on my physical activities of simple daily chores, and hobbies, has been difficult to hide from family and friends.
    I am not looking for sympathy, but simply stating the facts of life.
    I am hoping I can get the fractures fixed, and return to my usual life of a now, Matured Super Woman.
    One of my unfilled dreams was to buy some land as a permanent home for Rescued Animals. I would rescue Horses, Cattle, Wombats, Foxes and just about any animals that I could handle.
    There are many animals that the major rescue groups do not rescue, as those animals are considered vermin. What happened to the Bible and “all creatures great and small” teachings?.
    My late beautiful daughter was looking forward to that project.She had been very involved in similar rescues with me all those years ago.
    We were a great team, and she was always there for me.

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